Ruptured blood vessel in my eye. How apt for Halloween.

No party-ing this year again. Tragic.

A red eye, a stapler bullet cut & cramps. What a fucked up week.

I think I need to relax properly, basically, get my mind off work COMPLETELY when it’s leisure time.

China with someone, Australia alone, or should I just stay in Singapore?!

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Alone?

When I’m all alone at home or somewhere, and I start to think about life, I don’t know if I’m happy or not. I can’t tell.

Happiness is so subjective, only you can tell if you’re happy or not, and not the people around you. Friends can say, ‘You look super happy today’ just because you keep smiling or laughing, but deep down you’re just a few moments away from breaking down.

But, life ain’t that bad. We all should be content we’re right where we are, and not some third-world country, not living in poverty, not dying from a terminal disease, there are so many worse things that could happen to us. We have so much in life to be thankful for. Even if we feel all alone in this world, that’s wrong. True friends might not know exactly what you’re going through, they might not understand, but the fact remains that they are going to be around for you when you fall. They will, I know they will.

I just gotta get that into my head and start living life the way I should.

Take a step back and think about your entire life, the good, the bad, the happy, the crying, the anger. You’ll realise that you’ve been through quite a bit and you managed to get through all that. You’re strong. You just need to remember that too.

So that you will hang on, and live life out loud.

I can’t tell when I’ve finally moved on.

Fun size.

Ioannes,

although you are super annoying, we do miss you in school! Hahahaha. Yes yes, your teasing and insults too. And you know, Xinling misses you the most. Hope your knee recover as soon as possible. If not, sit in the wheelchair to school, then we can push you around and down slopes too!!!

Oh and,

Elmo died. Deflated. No more Happy Birthday songs.

Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I dont know what Im doin’ now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I cant sleep at night

Nothing goes well nowadays, then again, it never did.

Maybe that’s why burying myself in work is the best, don’t eat much, don’t sleep much, don’t have time to think about anything else, except, fucked up school work.

I’m happy for you.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

—Derek Walcott